Best New Yorker Caption Contest in 2025

Bytruecom

The New Yorker Caption Contest is a popular weekly challenge that invites readers to showcase their wit by writing the funniest caption for a cartoon. Known for its clever humor and loyal fan base, the contest has become a cultural favorite, encouraging creativity and engaging thousands of participants every week.

New Yorker Caption Contest

New Yorker Caption Contest
  • “Looks like therapy just got outsourced 🧠 confusing”
  • “I told you not to update the cat’s software 😺 glitch”
  • “When your Wi-Fi has better boundaries than you 📶 awkward”
  • “The pigeons called another meeting 🐦 suspicious”
  • “That’s not a dress code—it’s a personality test 🧥 dramatic”
  • “We tried silence, now let’s try sarcasm 🤐 hopeful”
  • “No one told me enlightenment came with a dress code 🧘‍♂️ unexpected”
  • “I asked for a sign, not a billboard 📢 desperate”
  • “My latte has more foam than my life ☕ existential”
  • “Don’t worry, the dog is our emotional support manager 🐕 chaotic”
  • “Even my reflection won’t make eye contact 🪞 relatable”
  • “That’s not a yoga pose, it’s a cry for help 🧎 bizarre”
  • “Every meeting is just an improv class now 🎭 exhausting”
  • “Oh good, another metaphor I can’t afford 💸 symbolic”
  • “We’re not arguing, we’re beta-testing emotions 💬 fragile”
  • “That’s not intuition, that’s caffeine talking ☕ intense”
  • “This isn’t a phase, it’s a freelance lifestyle 💼 unpredictable”
  • “We’re all just unpaid extras in someone else’s origin story 🎬 unnoticed”
  • “Therapy was booked, so I talked to my houseplant 🪴 overwhelmed”
  • “Turns out the exit strategy was just a vibe 🧭 unclear”
  • “Not all heroes wear capes—some just refill the Brita 🚰 grateful”
  • “We don’t do small talk—we do small existential crises 😶 meaningful”
  • “Even the GPS is avoiding this conversation 📍 lost”
  • “My dreams need a budget 💰 ambitious”
  • “It’s not ghosting if it’s spiritual growth 👻 justified”
  • “We’re not coworkers, we’re a group chat with deadlines 📱 unmotivated”
  • “Another fine mess brought to you by good intentions 🙃 ironic”
  • “We pivoted so hard we ended up back at square one 🔄 classic”
  • “This isn’t a plan, it’s a plot twist 📚 dramatic”
  • “We traded eye contact for screen time 📱 distant”
  • “He ghosted me, so I haunted his dreams 👁 petty”
  • “They said I was overthinking—now it’s a business model 🤓 validated”
  • “The dog’s in charge now, we’re just living in his sitcom 🐶 sitcom”
  • “We don’t age, we just level up—emotionally 🎮 raw”
  • “Turns out my coping mechanism has a sequel 📖 recurring”
  • “If life’s a performance, I need a rewrite 🎭 underwhelmed”
  • “Our book club just reads receipts now 🧾 toxic”
  • “I asked the universe for peace, and it ghosted me 🌌 ignored”
  • “When your coffee has more followers than you ☕ unpopular”
  • “We bonded over mutual disinterest 🤝 bland”
  • “The Wi-Fi is stronger than my sense of direction 📡 scattered”
  • “We don’t fight anymore—we rebrand conflicts 🎨 strategic”
  • “They said don’t overthink it, so I wrote a thesis 📚 extra”
  • “I tried unplugging but the silence was too loud 🔌 dramatic”
  • “He proposed a spreadsheet, I wanted spontaneity 📊 cold”
  • “This is my personality until further notice 🧠 placeholder”
  • “Even the weather has commitment issues ☁️ unreliable”
  • “We don’t communicate—we vibe at each other 🌀 confused”
  • “When your mirror gives you notes 🪞 roasted”
  • “We never broke up—we just updated our terms and conditions 📃 complicated”
  • “I don’t need closure, I need better plot development 🎬 unresolved”
  • “Turns out self-care is expensive and exhausting 🛁 tragic”
  • “He talks in quotes now—Pinterest ruined him 📌 generic”
  • “This isn’t chemistry, it’s customer service 💬 fake”
  • “Even the ghost of my ambition is tired 👻 nostalgic”
  • “We’re not dating—we’re mutually tolerated chaos 🌀 fragile”
  • “He’s not a red flag, he’s a cautionary tale 🚩 legendary”
  • “We share a Netflix account but not a future 📺 doomed”

Caption Contest the New Yorker

  • “I told you AI wouldn’t replace us this quickly.” 🤖
    “Do you think pigeons ever feel existential dread?”
  • “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” 🧐
    “This isn’t what I meant by ‘climbing the corporate ladder.'”
  • “I only run when I’m being chased or when brunch is ending.” 🥐
    “He’s been emotionally unavailable since dial-up.”
  • “Just pretend we’re on mute.” 🎤
    “This meeting could’ve been a telepathic message.”
  • “I’d commit, but my Wi-Fi is unstable.” 📶
    “We’ve been overthinking since 1996.”
  • “He’s deep in thought. Or asleep.” 😴
    “I feel seen. And not in a good way.”
  • “My therapist says I should stop ghosting myself.” 👻
    “Even my plants have better boundaries.”
  • “It’s a silent cry for help—but make it aesthetic.” 📸
    “We didn’t lose the map, the map lost us.”
  • “I identify as emotionally unavailable.” 🚫
    “This is my final form—awkward and caffeinated.”
  • “He’s a Capricorn with commitment issues.” ♑
    “I was born to overanalyze.”
  • “I came, I saw, I left early.” 🚪
    “She ghosted him mid-sentence.”
  • “I’m emotionally invested in this Wi-Fi signal.” 📡
    “It’s not a phase, it’s a very long personality trait.”
  • “I Googled it, and now I have 12 new fears.” 😨
    “This is why we don’t do spontaneous.”
  • “My plans start at 100% excitement and end at 0% energy.” 🔋
    “He peaked in the prequel.”
  • “Just smile and wave, they don’t suspect a thing.” 🐧
    “I’m not procrastinating, I’m manifesting.”
  • “She’s late, but on-brand.” ⌛
    “They met in therapy—separate sessions.”
  • “My spirit animal is a ‘do not disturb’ sign.” 🚪
    “I’ve emotionally outgrown small talk.”
  • “I came for the Wi-Fi, stayed for the existential dread.” 🌐
    “This is just my face—it’s not a cry for help.”
  • “Time flies when you’re ignoring it.” ⏳
    “Even the GPS has commitment issues.”
  • “I’m multitasking: panicking and pretending to be fine.” 😅
    “We bonded over mutual disinterest.”
  • “Every day is casual Friday in existentialism.” 🧥
    “Is it growth or just better avoidance tactics?”
  • “My calendar said ‘maybe later.’” 📆
    “We overthink, therefore we are.”
  • “Don’t worry, sarcasm is my love language.” 😏
    “This counts as cardio, right?”
  • “I dress like I have my life together.” 👔
    “We’re all just Wi-Fi signals pretending to connect.”
  • “She’s emotionally fluent in memes.” 😂
    “Somewhere between self-help and giving up.”
  • “They say dress for the job you want—I chose napper.” 🛌
    “Trust me, I’m a professional overthinker.”
  • “He’s ghosting me in real time.” 👻
    “This is why aliens don’t visit.”
  • “I’m fluent in emoji and avoidance.” 🙃
    “I had a dream—then I hit snooze.”
  • “His toxic trait is replying ‘k’ in lowercase.” 📱
    “We’re not dating, we’re just mutually confused.”
  • “My hobbies include avoiding confrontation.” 🚫
    “I thought outside the box—now I can’t get back in.”
  • “This is my emotionally unavailable era.” 🥀
    “I have trust issues with autocorrect.”
  • “He’s not wrong, just outdated.” 📼
    “I peaked at ‘seen’ and no reply.”
  • “We vibe in lowercase.” 🖤
    “I came for closure, left with more questions.”
  • “He’s typing… and that’s the relationship.” 💬
    “This is what happens when introverts unite.”
  • “My happy place has Wi-Fi and zero expectations.” 📶
    “We bonded over mutual awkwardness.”
  • “The forecast says 90% chance of overthinking.” ☁️
    “She left me on read—again.”
  • “He’s emotionally committed to his coffee order.” ☕
    “They’re allergic to accountability.”
  • “I’m 90% sarcasm, 10% snacks.” 🍿
    “Just here to validate your overthinking.”
  • “Therapist says I’m a ‘work in regression.’” 🧠
    “I RSVP’d emotionally unavailable.”
  • “I miss the good old days—like March.” 📆
    “This is why we can’t have nice vibes.”
  • “He’s running on caffeine and chaos.” 🔥
    “We overthink in harmony.”
  • “Still buffering in real life.” ⏳
    “She’s emotionally Wi-Fi dependent.”
  • “My toxic trait is answering emails in my dreams.” 📧
    “Our love language is poor timing.”
  • “This is a safe space for awkward silences.” 😬
    “He reads red flags as personality quirks.”
  • “Therapist said ‘boundaries.’ I heard ‘build a wall.’” 🧱
    “We’re bonded by mutual burnout.”
  • “She’s in her ’emotionally distant but cute’ phase.” 🎀
    “Just ghost me with clarity, please.”
  • “I’m emotionally invested in my notifications.” 🔔
    “We’re basically one skipped therapy session away from clarity.”
  • “They ghosted me and I thanked them.” 👋
    “I identify as a group chat observer.”
  • “She overthinks with flair.” 🎭
    “We matched on mutual emotional avoidance.”
  • “My mood ring just said ‘run.’” 💍
    “He’s late, but emotionally unavailable is always on time.”
  • “I’m not ignoring you, I’m buffering.” 🌀
    “That’s not a red flag—it’s a parade.”
  • “Let’s circle back to our childhood trauma.” 🫠
    “We broke up because our memes didn’t align.”
  • “My life coach is a Magic 8-Ball.” 🎱
    “He’s emotionally fluent in excuses.”
  • “We’re vibing in mutual confusion.” 🌀
    “Just two therapists away from clarity.”
  • “I’m in a long-term relationship with unread emails.” 📩
    “We make passive-aggressiveness look chic.”
  • “Every day is a plot twist.” 📖
    “She called it closure. I called it a cliffhanger.”
  • “My emotional support is in airplane mode.” ✈️
    “We only text during Mercury retrograde.”
  • “He’s late to every realization.” ⏰
    “I ghosted my past self for growth.”
  • “I came, I overanalyzed, I left.” 🧩
    “We met in a group chat, parted in the comments.”
  • “I’m typing… but emotionally not responding.” 💭
    “They turned my boundaries into punchlines.”
  • “My screen time is a personality now.” 📱
    “We broke up over passive likes.”
  • “My toxic trait is overthinking your silence.” 🔇
    “Emotionally unavailable? He’s the poster child.”
  • “He lives in my head rent-free and emotionally clueless.” 🏠
    “This is my TED Talk on avoidance.”
  • “She’s posting cryptically again.” 🕵️
    “We matched on ‘meh.’”
  • “My response time depends on my mood swing.” 📲
    “He replied with ‘lol’ and shattered my ego.”
  • “My pet understands me more than my ex.” 🐶
    “We’re dating, but only emotionally.”
  • “She ghosted me so gently I thanked her.” 🙌
    “He left me on read and spiritually confused.”
  • “I’ve mastered the art of socially anxious eye contact.” 👀
    “This isn’t a date—it’s a soft launch.”
  • “Even my GPS is passive-aggressive.” 🗺️
    “I matched with my past mistakes.”
  • “I’m emotionally buffering—please wait.” 🌀
    “We bond through shared online shopping carts.”
  • “My Wi-Fi signal is more stable than my love life.” 📶
    “They ghosted me through three platforms.”
  • “He’s not toxic—he’s just a lifestyle challenge.” 💡
    “This is my villain arc. Soft launch only.”
  • “My brain has too many tabs open.” 🧠
    “We’re not a couple—we’re a concept.”
  • “I’m not avoiding, I’m silently panicking.” 😳
    “Even my alarm clock gave up on me.”
  • “My playlist knows more about my emotions than I do”

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest
  • “I told you AI wouldn’t understand sarcasm.”
  • “This is why we don’t let you plan family reunions.”
  • “It was either therapy or interpretive dance.”
  • “You’re not wrong, just surprisingly confident about it.”
  • “That’s not a moon—it’s my ex’s ego.”
  • “I liked it better when ignorance was bliss.”
  • “It’s all fun and games until someone files a lawsuit.”
  • “If this is enlightenment, I want a refund.”
  • “We took a vote—your vibes are off.”
  • “It’s not paranoia if the squirrel really is judging you.”
  • “Another meeting that could’ve been an existential crisis.”
  • “Sure, it’s a pyramid scheme, but we call it networking.”
  • “You had me at ‘non-refundable deposit’.”
  • “I call this piece ‘Monday’.”
  • “That’s not wine. That’s ambition in liquid form.”
  • “He ghosted me and now haunts me—poetic.”
  • “I tried manifesting success, but got a parking ticket instead.”
  • “Not all heroes wear capes. Some just avoid eye contact.”
  • “You didn’t lose the plot, you sold it on eBay.”
  • “I’m multitasking: overthinking and pretending to listen.”
  • “They said follow your dreams, not your delusions.”
  • “It’s a self-care day unless someone emails me.”
  • “Even my shadow has impostor syndrome.”
  • “You’re not overreacting—you’re narrating a drama.”
  • “Just another quiet night of inner chaos.”
  • “We don’t have a plan. We have vibes.”
  • “I came. I saw. I scrolled.”
  • “The universe is expanding, and so is my to-do list.”
  • “Some people meditate. I overanalyze.”
  • “You’re not wrong, just historically inaccurate.”
  • “My spirit animal is an introvert with Wi-Fi.”
  • “We’ve upgraded from emotional baggage to carry-on trauma.”
  • “Sure, it’s a midlife crisis, but make it aesthetic.”
  • “This isn’t procrastination—it’s strategic pausing.”
  • “Do I look like someone who reads the terms and conditions?”
  • “It’s not about the journey or the destination—it’s the Wi-Fi.”
  • “I wanted a sign, not a full-blown PowerPoint.”
  • “He’s emotionally available—just not to me.”
  • “Siri, how do I exit a conversation politely?”
  • “This wasn’t in the brochure for adulthood.”
  • “I quit therapy. Now I argue with myself for free.”
  • “You can’t spell ‘teamwork’ without ‘me’ somewhere in the middle.”
  • “Congratulations, you’ve unlocked level 2: mild disappointment.”
  • “I’m not judging, I’m compiling evidence.”
  • “That’s not a glitch—it’s a personality trait.”
  • “I bring chaos and coffee to every meeting.”
  • “Call me when Mercury isn’t retrograde.”
  • “I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.”
  • “The dress code is ‘emotionally unstable but trying.’”
  • “You don’t have to be weird, but it helps.”
  • “We tried logic. Now we’re just vibing.”
  • “Yes, I talk to myself. I prefer intelligent conversations.”
  • “Every group has that one person. We have several.”
  • “I’m 80% caffeine and 20% existential dread.”
  • “It’s a metaphor until someone gets hurt.”
  • “I skipped the midlife crisis and went straight to chaos.”
  • “Are we out of coffee or just hope?”
  • “Let’s agree to disagree and never speak again.”
  • “He’s not a red flag. He’s the whole parade.”
  • “If awkward were an Olympic sport, I’d be a gold medalist.”
  • “My dog understands me more than my therapist.”
  • “They said be yourself. I regret it.”
  • “I don’t rise and shine—I caffeinate and hope.”
  • “Just because it’s your truth doesn’t mean it’s accurate.”
  • “The only thing I manifest is mild inconvenience.”
  • “He said ‘trust me,’ and now we’re here.”
  • “I came for stability but stayed for the memes.”
  • “That’s not burnout, that’s premium-grade apathy.”
  • “We’re not arguing—we’re aggressively agreeing.”
  • “If I had a dollar for every bad decision…”
  • “This meeting could’ve been solved by Google.”
  • “It’s not eavesdropping if it’s that loud.”
  • “I’m fluent in sarcasm and passive aggression.”
  • “They call it networking—I call it forced smiling.”
  • “I tried adulting once. Didn’t like the taste.”
  • “At this point, I’m just winging life’s PowerPoint.”
  • “I’m not confused. I’m on creative pause.”
  • “That escalated quickly—and awkwardly.”
  • “I wanted peace and got group chat drama.”
  • “Don’t worry, my emotional support snack is here.”

New Yorker Magazine Caption Contest

  • “I told you investing in flying pigs wasn’t 🐷—but here we are.”
  • “Relax, it’s just a Monday… again. ☕”
  • “Well, at least traffic was light. 🚁”
  • “He ghosted me—literally. 👻”
  • “This is why we can’t have nice things. 💥”
  • “Therapy said I need to open up more. 🛋️”
  • “It’s not a phase, it’s a lifestyle. 🖤”
  • “The GPS said turn left at the moon. 🌕”
  • “Is this seat taken or emotionally unavailable? 💺”
  • “I’m not procrastinating, I’m pre-meditating. 🧘”
  • “He brings spreadsheets to brunch. 🧾”
  • “We merged… and so did our existential dread. 🔀”
  • “The dog’s in charge now. 🐶”
  • “Welcome to the HOA of Hell. 🔥”
  • “It’s not espionage, it’s competitive curiosity. 🕵️”
  • “And you said AI wouldn’t replace us. 🤖”
  • “Mood: permanently buffering. 🔄”
  • “He said he liked long walks—into chaos. 🚶”
  • “The salad lied to me. 🥗”
  • “Your aura is… pixelated. 🧿”
  • “We’re not lost, we’re wandering with style. 🗺️”
  • “He’s ghosting me in real life now. 👤”
  • “My therapist said to confront you in art. 🎨”
  • “I identify as late. ⏰”
  • “Now accepting bribes in latte form. ☕”
  • “You brought feelings to a logic fight. 🧠”
  • “Siri, play ‘Oops I Did It Again.’ 🎶”
  • “We don’t do Mondays anymore. ❌”
  • “Plot twist: it was all a dream. 🌙”
  • “I overthink, therefore I am. 🌀”
  • “The WiFi’s out, so we’re talking. 😱”
  • “Life’s a circus, and I forgot my act. 🎪”
  • “We’re out of coffee and patience. ☕”
  • “I came for closure, left with receipts. 🧾”
  • “Why be normal when you can be weird professionally? 🦄”
  • “He’s networking. I’m net-not-working. 🌐”
  • “The universe left me on read. ✨”
  • “I brought my emotional support sarcasm. 🧸”
  • “It’s a vibe… of pure confusion. 😵”
  • “Even my dreams are overbooked. 📅”
  • “Do I look like I have a five-year plan? 📉”
  • “I only run from responsibilities. 🏃”
  • “Your toxic trait is plot development. 📖”
  • “He ghosted, but left the group chat. 📲”
  • “Honestly, I’m just here for the snacks. 🍿”
  • “My therapist uses me for case studies. 📚”
  • “This is why aliens don’t visit. 👽”
  • “Love is patient. I’m not. ⏳”
  • “Let’s agree to disagree aggressively. 🤝”
  • “Took a left turn at self-awareness. 🚧”
  • “He’s emotionally unavailable but has great credit. 💳”
  • “Is this seat taken by bad decisions? 🪑”
  • “Trying to flirt but it’s coming out as threats. 💬”
  • “I RSVP’d to the spiral. 🌀”
  • “We’re all just unpaid interns of capitalism. 💼”
  • “My vibe is ‘technical difficulties.’ ⚙️”
  • “Therapy bills should be tax deductible. 🧾”
  • “Sorry I’m late—I got stuck in a plot twist. 🧩”
  • “My boundaries have boundaries now. 🚫”
  • “I came. I saw. I overanalyzed. 🔍”
  • “I’m not ignoring you—I’m buffering. 🧠”
  • “The anxiety is complimentary. 💁”
  • “Let’s circle back—never. 🔄”
  • “I filed that under ‘things I pretend to care about.’ 🗂️”
  • “That escalated emotionally. 🧯”
  • “Today’s forecast: 99% sarcasm. 🌦️”
  • “My last nerve just gave notice. 📢”
  • “You’re the plot twist I didn’t see coming. 🎭”
  • “Now accepting tips in validation. 💵”
  • “I manifested this chaos. ✨”
  • “Overqualified to cry at my desk. 🖥️”
  • “My job is 10% tasks, 90% pretending to understand. 🧾”
  • “You’re the reason I rehearse conversations. 🎤”
  • “Out of office, in my head. 📤”
  • “Allergic to red flags. 🚩”
  • “Don’t mind me—just decoding human emotion. 🧬”
  • “He proposed—with a spreadsheet. 📊”
  • “I’m not dramatic—I’m a plot device. 🎬”
  • “The meeting could have been an email. 📩”
  • “That’s not my circus, but those are my clowns. 🤡”

Caption Contest New Yorker

Caption Contest New Yorker
  • When your dog knows your secrets 🐶 Confession
  • That moment the coffee talks back ☕ Shock
  • I swear the Wi-Fi was working 🧠 Glitch
  • Just pretending I know what I’m doing 🤔 Bluff
  • Budget meetings be like 📉 Chaos
  • Is it too late to become a pirate? 🏴‍☠️ Career
  • You said dress casual, right? 👗 Misunderstood
  • Why do Mondays feel personal? 😩 Routine
  • When your cat judges your playlist 🎧 Critic
  • I thought this was a Zoom call 😳 Pants
  • We don’t talk about the group chat 📱 Silence
  • Honestly, I blame Mercury in retrograde 🌌 Excuse
  • One more episode and I’ll sleep 😴 Lie
  • When therapy becomes group gossip 🗣️ Twist
  • I knew I forgot something… 🚪 Keys
  • This isn’t the escape room? 😬 Lost
  • I didn’t agree to parent the plant 🪴 Boundaries
  • Wait, we’re the adults now? 👶 Confusion
  • When you text “here” but you’re still parking 🚗 Delay
  • I identify as tired 🛏️ Truth
  • He said “minimalist,” not “empty” 🧾 Misread
  • My diet starts tomorrow 🧁 Classic
  • The printer knows fear 🤖 Revenge
  • They said “act natural” 📸 Panic
  • Am I the drama? 🪞 Suspicion
  • When the group project becomes solo 🎓 Survival
  • Is this recyclable? ♻️ Guesswork
  • Just here for the snacks 🍿 Motivation
  • My life is a draft email 💬 Unsent
  • Trust me, I Googled it 🧑‍💻 Expert
  • We love a good plot twist 📚 Denial
  • I’ve seen enough – I’m done 🌚 Energy
  • It’s a vibe, not a plan 🎨 Confusion
  • When the horoscope was too real 🔮 Exposed
  • I came, I saw, I overthought 💭 Spiral
  • Me, acting normal in public 🤷 Weird
  • I thought this was the beach 🏖️ Misplanned
  • Is “vibing” a job title? 💼 Dream
  • When you schedule a nap like a meeting 🗓️ Priority
  • The algorithm knows my soul 📲 Creepy
  • If found, return to coffee ☕ Dependency
  • I’m not arguing, I’m explaining 🎤 Tone
  • I didn’t read the group chat 📵 Oops
  • When the wine kicks in 🍷 Honesty
  • Who let me adult today? 🧾 Confused
  • In my defense, I was unsupervised 🧨 Chaos
  • I thought I was muted 🎙️ Regret
  • I don’t know her – taxes 🧮 Mystery
  • Is this my villain origin story? 😈 Plot
  • My spirit animal is buffering 🔄 Loading
  • Mentally, I’m still on vacation 🏝️ Reality
  • This meeting could’ve been an email 📧 Fact
  • When autocorrect ruins your career 📝 Oops
  • I speak fluent sarcasm 🤨 Gift

New Yorker Comic Caption Contest

  • “I told you therapy wouldn’t work on goldfish. 🐠#”
  • “When in doubt, blame the intern. 😅*”
  • “This is why aliens won’t visit us. 👽!”
  • “Yes, I’m a cat lawyer. I purr-sue justice. 🐱?”
  • “Sorry, I don’t speak human before coffee. ☕$”
  • “He ghosted me—literally. 👻@”
  • “My spirit animal is on strike. 🦥%”
  • “Even the clouds are judging us today. ☁️:”
  • “I didn’t choose the snail life—the snail life chose me. 🐌^”
  • “Our insurance doesn’t cover time travel errors. ⏳&”
  • “Let’s circle back after I finish crying. 😭+”
  • “Do robots dream of unpaid internships? 🤖=”
  • “I’m emotionally unavailable until further notice. 💔~”
  • “It’s not a phase, it’s a lifestyle. 🎩_”
  • “We’re out of snacks and sanity. 🍪!”
  • “Meditating or disassociating? You decide. 🧘‍♂️@”
  • “Even my imaginary friend left me on read. 📵#”
  • “Trust me, I’m a professional overthinker. 🤯/”
  • “We specialize in solutions that create more problems. 🔧%”
  • “It’s called fashion, look it up. 👗$”
  • “Still waiting for my Hogwarts letter. 🦉^”
  • “We pivoted so hard we got dizzy. 🔄&”
  • “My emotional support spreadsheet is malfunctioning. 📊*”
  • “Not all heroes wear capes—some wear anxiety. 😬!”
  • “We’re just two existential crises in a trench coat. 🧥@”
  • “He’s not fired, just ‘involuntarily freelancing.’ 💼+”
  • “Is it art or is it just expensive confusion? 🖼️#”
  • “I peaked in kindergarten. 🎓/”
  • “One small step for man, one giant leap into debt. 🚀%”
  • “Therapy is cheaper than starting a cult—barely. 🛐$”
  • “I identify as done. 😵~”
  • “No, Karen, Mercury is always in retrograde. 🔮_”
  • “Don’t worry, I Googled it. 📱@”
  • “That’s not a plan, that’s a panic. 🫣#”
  • “He proposed via PowerPoint. 📽️*”
  • “We tried nothing, and we’re all out of ideas. 🤷‍♂️%”
  • “Life gave me lemons; I made sarcastic lemonade. 🍋!”
  • “Every meeting could have been a text. 📩+”
  • “This is fine, in a catastrophic kind of way. 🔥/”
  • “Your vibe says ‘retail therapy.’ 🛍️^”
  • “I’m not late, I’m creatively on time. 🕒$”
  • “Trying my best, please hold. ⌛!”
  • “My job? Emotional damage control. 💣#”
  • “The coffee is decaf, and so is my enthusiasm. 🥱&”
  • “Reality called—I didn’t answer. 📵~”
  • “Outsourcing my feelings to AI now. 🤖@”
  • “We’re not arguing, we’re debating loudly. 📢*”
  • “I wish I were as mysterious as my browser history. 🌐%”
  • “The WiFi is stronger than our relationship. 📶:”
  • “Emotional baggage now comes with wheels. 🧳^”
  • “I’m not ‘ghosting,’ I’m buffering. 🔄#”
  • “I came. I saw. I overthought. 🤔/”
  • “My inner child is grounded. 🚫+”
  • “Alexa, write my apology text. 📱~”
  • “He left with the dog and my last nerve. 🐶@”
  • “Mood: WiFi in airplane mode. 📴*”
  • “Flirting via spreadsheet wasn’t ideal. 📈%”
  • “I regret everything, including this caption. 🙃!”
  • “My coping mechanism is sarcasm. 🧂#”
  • “I brought vibes, not solutions. 🎉&”

Cartoon Caption Contest New Yorker

  • “Honestly, I thought this was the line for coffee. ☕ –”
  • “I told you GPS doesn’t work in parallel universes. 🧭 #”
  • “This is why I don’t trust motivational posters. 🎯 /”
  • “I agreed to therapy, not time travel. ⏳ ;”
  • “Relax, it’s just my emotional support dragon. 🐉 ?”
  • “Mondays feel like this, don’t they? 😩 !”
  • “When the Wi-Fi goes out, we go primal. 📵 ~”
  • “This isn’t what I meant by ‘take the high road.’ 🧗 –”
  • “Even my dreams have office hours. 💤 *”
  • “Well, at least it’s not a Zoom meeting. 💻 …”
  • “I blame my horoscope for all of this. 🔮 :”
  • “Budget cuts hit harder than expected. 💸 ;”
  • “Welcome to reality — no refunds. 🎟️ +”
  • “She ghosted me, so I hired a real ghost. 👻 –”
  • “Yes, but can you monetize that thought? 💭 ?”
  • “This isn’t a costume, it’s a coping mechanism. 🧥 !”
  • “Even the pigeons are judging me. 🐦 /”
  • “Retirement plans? I can’t plan lunch. 🥪 #”
  • “I majored in sarcasm with a minor in regret. 🎓 ~”
  • “No worries, it’s only mildly apocalyptic. 🌪️ ;”
  • “Can I get fries with this existential crisis? 🍟 :”
  • “You’re muted — in real life. 🎙️ *”
  • “I upgraded my anxiety to premium. 😬 $”
  • “Same meeting, different delusion. 🗓️ –”
  • “Sorry, my clone handles emotions. 🧬 /”
  • “Still waiting for my plot twist. 📖 ?”
  • “I identify as ‘confused.’ 🤷 !”
  • “Therapy was cheaper than space travel. 🚀 ;”
  • “We now return to your regularly scheduled chaos. 📺 *”
  • “The dog has better job benefits. 🐶 +”
  • “Why walk when you can wander aimlessly? 🥾 ~”
  • “I don’t sweat, I leak sarcasm. 💦 :”
  • “This is my final form — emotionally unavailable. 🧊 –”
  • “The voices are unionizing. 🗣️ #”
  • “Technically, I’m still ‘finding myself.’ 🧭 /”
  • “Behold: another poor decision in action. 🎬 ;”
  • “I came, I saw, I overthought. 🧠 *”
  • “You’re not paranoid if the squirrels really are watching. 🐿️ :”
  • “Some people jog. I panic. 🏃 –”
  • “The only thing growing is my to-do list. 📝 !”
  • “Even the coffee gave up on me. ☕ #”
  • “Does this dimension come with tech support? 💾 ;”
  • “I’m multitasking: underachieving on multiple levels. 📉 /”
  • “Yes, but is it gluten-free therapy? 🍞 ~”
  • “I’m a work in perpetual progress. 🛠️ :”
  • “I thought this was the line for enlightenment. 🕯️ ?”
  • “This isn’t my circus, but those are my monkeys. 🐒 !”
  • “I peaked in middle school sarcasm class. 📚 –”
  • “That’s not a plan, that’s a hopeful shrug. 🤷‍♂️ *”
  • “Please hold, your reality is buffering. ⏳ /”
  • “Plot twist: I’m still lost. 🗺️ ;”
  • “My hobbies include overthinking and snacks. 🍿 ~”
  • “At least the hallucinations are polite. 🧞 :”
  • “This looks nothing like the brochure. 🧾 ?”
  • “Another day, another detour. 🛤️ #”
  • “Siri, remind me to disappear. 📱 –”
  • “Even my shadow has performance anxiety. 🌑 /”
  • “Honestly, I just wanted pizza. 🍕 !”
  • “Why face my problems when I can nap? 🛌 ;”
  • “I asked for a sign, not a subpoena. 📩 *”
  • “Manifesting brunch, not breakdowns. 🥞 ~”
  • “Today’s goal: survive the group chat. 📲 :”
  • “Reality has too many pop-ups. 💣 ?”
  • “I’m just here for the plot holes. 🕳️ –”
  • “No idea what I’m doing, but I’m dressed for it. 👔 #”
  • “My resume includes mild panic and puns. 📄 !”
  • “The algorithm made me do it. 🤖 ;”
  • “Is it still anxiety if I’ve named it Carl? 🐍 /”
  • “I came for wisdom and stayed for the snacks. 🍪 :”
  • “Currently accepting life advice via memes. 📸 ~”
  • “Let me know when reality is back in stock. 🏪 *”
  • “I miss precedented times. 📆 ;”
  • “Don’t worry, my chaos is curated. 🎨 ?”
  • “The map said left, but I felt right. 🧭 /”
  • “We’re all just plot devices in someone else’s story. 🧵 –”
  • “I paid extra for this level of confusion. 💵 #”
  • “Yes, but have you tried denial? 🚫 !”
  • “I’m not wrong, I’m just creatively accurate. 🧮 ;”
  • “Please direct complaints to my imaginary assistant. 👩‍💼 *”
  • “I’m not late, I’m existentially delayed. 🕒 :”

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